The Lager Pitcher

Sign of the Day

2008-06-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

While most large cities have their share of bad drivers, in London, drivers seem to have difficultiy in grasping even some of the more basic traffic rules, as can be seen from the following road sign:

UN Secretary-General

2007-09-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

Does anybody else think that the UN Secretary-General's name sounds like an insult in Hindi ?

UN Secretary-General: Iran must comply with IAEA regulations regarding fissile materials.
Ahmadinejad: Who are you to dictate to us, you Ban Ki Moon !

For interesting translations, click here .

Parking: The Inspiration

2007-07-14T10:55:00.001-07:00

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

My series on parking, and humour, in general, has been significantly influenced by Tommy Cooper.

For more, click here .

Expensive Parking

2007-07-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

Continuing the parking series.....

Parking is very expensive in Manhattan. Everybody knows that. It has reached such astronomical levels that even the authorities admit it - the other day I saw a board that said "Parking Lot".

Live Earth Concert (NY)

2007-07-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

I went to the Live Earth Concert. It was nice.

Quiet Board

2007-04-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking past a parking spot that was unusually silent. There was a board next to it that said, 'Reserved'.

Phonetic

2007-04-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Does any one else find it ironic that phonetic is spelled the way it is (and not with a 'f') ?

Meating Point

2007-03-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Smith was a vegetarian since birth. When he was at college, he had an argument with his room-mate about the merits of his dietary preferences. His room-mate suggested that unless he ate meat he would not be capable of making an informed decision. Although reluctant, Smith decided to go ahead with the suggestion. Both of them go the supermarket and are standing at the meat section. Smith looks around and his eyes settle on the beef on the top-shelf. He shakes his head and tells his room-mate, 'I can't do it - the steaks are too high.'

Well bowled Warnie

2007-01-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

Today was the last day we will see Shane Warne in a test match. Shane Warne was probably the biggest sporting influence in my life so far. Watching him bowl, inspired me to be a leg spinner. I never really played cricket at a reasonably competitive level, but I still think of myself as more than a half-decent leggie (ask any one who has faced me in my prime - guys, remember those games against Valley School and Rishi Valley in 1995 and 1997). For me, Warne had it all - the flight, the turn, the attitude. People keen on statistics will compare him with Muralitharan and Kumble, but for a conneiseur of spin bowling, that is like saying Royal Challenge and MaCallan are both whiskeys - factually true, but could not be more wrong. From the Gooch and Gatting deliveries in the 1993 ashes to the 1996 World Cup Semi's to the 1999 World Cup and several times, before and after, Warne has consistently delivered with great panache and charisma. Thank you Warnie ! You will be missed.

Madison Square Garden

2006-12-23T18:18:00.000-08:00

Regular readers of this blog (yes, all three of you) have complained that I have not made any NY-related posts since I moved here in October 2006. Well, here we go.

I consider myself to be a sports enthusiast, which I define as someone with more than a general interest in most sports. (Note, this is not to be confused with my absolute passion for Football, or 'Soccer' as it is know this side on the pond). One dimension of my sports enthusiam is visiting famous sporting arenas. I am proud to have been at the following: The Old Course, St. Andrews, Scotland (Golf); Celtic vs. Blackburn, UEFA Cup 2001-02, Glasgow, Scotland (Football); Arsenal vs. Tottenham Hotspurs, Premiership 2001-02, Highbury, London (Football); England vs. India, 2002 Test, Lord's, London (Cricket); India vs. Pakistan, 1999 Test, Chepauk, Chennai (Cricket); John Higgins vs. Ronnie O' Sullivan, Scottish Masters, 2002, Glasgow, Scotland (Snooker).

The latest addition to the list was a trip to Madison Square Garden on December 11 to watch the NY Knicks play Boston Celtics. I no longer have the same level of enthusiam for bastketball as I once used to. However, being at a NBA game at the Garden was some experience. MSG really has a fantastic atmosphere - the chants of 'defence, defence' sound much better than on TV. The game itself was unspectacular, Celtics winning easily. The highlight of the evening was the presence of Wayne Rooney. I'm not sure what he was doing at a Knicks' game, but for probably the only time in my whole life, me and the Roonster were spending the evening in the same way. That, along with some overpriced beer, made the evening even more special.

Connect

2006-12-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Horses

2006-10-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

A recent study by the Society of Invertebrate Zoology has concluded that horses (Equus caballus) are the most balanced and calm of all species in the animal kingdom. They have stable lives.

The truth about Pluto

2006-08-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

The real reason why Pluto was removed as a planet - Space constraints

Operational Reasons

2006-08-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

This is a complaint letter I wrote to Air Deccan a few months ago. The response to my letter to Maruti has prompted me to post this one as well.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Vikram Vasu
To: ceo@airdeccan.net
Cc: santhosh@airdeccan.net ; feedback@airdeccan.net ; refunds@airdeccan.net
Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2006 3:40 PM

Subject: Customer (Dis)service at Air Deccan

Dear Captain Gopinath,
I have had an extremely traumatic experience with Air Deccan over the past week. I had booked a ticket on the Coimbatore - Chennai flight DN -116 on Sunday, 26th March 2006 (19:35 pm). I had also booked a ticket on the same sector for Monday, 27th March 2006 (19:35 pm). On 26th March I received an SMS informing me that the Coimbatore - Chennai flight DN -116 on Sunday, 26th March 2006 (19:35 pm) was cancelled due to 'operational reasons'. I am sure this is not exactly headline news at Air Deccan, given how regularly it happens. I called the customer care number to cancel my ticket. When I did this, I specifically asked what the reason for cancellation was, since I had a booked a ticket on the same sector for the following day. I was duly assured that the problem will not be repeated the next day, as this was only due to one-off 'operational reasons'. I cancelled the ticket for the Saturday flight (cancelled by Air Deccan).

On Sunday morning, I received the now all too familiar SMS that the Monday flight DN-116 on Monday, 27th March 2006 (19:35 pm) was cancelled for....surprise, surprise...'operational reasons'. While the first day seemed plausible, two days in a row is a farce. Since I was given a reasonable assurance that this won't happen, I think I am entitled to being a little suspicious. However, I initially gave your airline the benefit of doubt. I immediately called the call centre to cancel the ticket. I spoke to one Mr. Sarish and it turned out to be one the most ridiculous exchanges (even by Air Deccan's very low standards). I began by asking Mr. Sarish why the flight was cancelled for two days in a row. The insipid answer was that he did not know anything beyond 'operational reasons' and that it was not his responsibility to explain the reasons, as this was only a call centre. Excuse me, but is it not the responsibility of a customer care agent to explain why exactly the flight was cancelled ? I put this aside for the moment, as I still needed to cancel the ticket. Mr Sarish then duly informed that according to the system, the flight was not cancelled !! I asked him about the SMS that I received and he said that the flight is indeed cancelled but this has not yet been reflected in the system. The implication of this being I would not receive a full refund, as the flight has not yet been cancelled. I found the logic preposterous and requested that the agent calls me back when the system was updated. I was then informed that since it was only an inbound call centre, I would have to call back later. If your system is down, how in the world is that my problem, especially given the already farcical situation where I have to call to cancel a ticket on a flight that you cancelled. I realised that Mr. Sarish was probably not sufficiently equipped to handle the situation. I therefore asked to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor who came on line told me that the ticket will be cancelled shortly and that I am not required to call back. However, he still was unable to give me a convincing explanation for why the flight was cancelled. When I asked him why the same flight on the same sector was cancelled for two days in a row, your agent reassured me by saying that Air Deccan has cancelled many flights on other sectors too and therefore I should not feel that I am being targetted !

I thought the matter had ended there, but little did I realise that in the theatre of the absurd, there can be endless twists and turns. One week later, when I checked my credit card account, I was shocked to see that the refund for the Monday, 27th March flight had not yet been made. I immediately called up the call centre (with images of last week's episode still fresh in mind). I spoke to an agent and explained that I had not yet received my refund. The agent took down my details and then had the audacity to claim that I had not yet cancelled the ticket ! I gave her the date (Sunday, 26th March) and time (12:30 pm) when I called to cancel it. She was unable to explain why the refund was not made and asked me to speak to the Floor Supervisor (Ms.Rashmi R). After narrating the now long story to the Floor Supervisor, I indicated that for this extent of disservice, bordering on fraud, I deserve some sort of compensation. All I received was that it is beyond her authority to discuss compensation, and so I should speak to the Floor Manager (Ms. Sajita Nair). The Floor Manager also repeated the same thing, but promised to look into the issue of why the ticket was not cancelled. She later got back to me by saying that she heard the call I made the previous week and confirmed that I had been told the ticket would be cancelled. However, she still does not why the ticket was not yet cancelled, but promised to cancel it, which left me a feeling of deja vu, somewhat. She then suggested I speak to someone higher, but helpfully informed me that even that person will not be able to do anything about this.

I don't think it is unreasonable for me to demand some sort of compensation for this absurd treatment. I know you will immediately say that your official policy clearly states that customers will not be compensated (beyond refunds), under any circumstances. Given that I am yet to receive me refund, I think if the airline is serious about customers, situations like these ought to be treated with greater discretion. At no stage was anyone from Air Deccan even slightly apologetic about my situation. Are polite service and compensation when fraud has been committed, too much to ask for ?

I realise that you have your fair share of problems - high oil prices, pilots not showing up for work, El Nino effect, global warming, Avian bird flu, etc. etc., but canceling flights on such a regular basis destroys what little is left of the airline's fast diminishing credibility.

Having read so many similar stories about customers being disgusted with the service (or lack thereof), I realise that my complaint may be somewhat low down in the Air Deccan bungling hall of shame. I do not expect a reply, as this would be completely against the culture of Air Deccan.

Captain Gopinath, I think you must realise that there is a difference between being low-cost and cheap. Given that your competitors offer nearly the same prices, Air Deccan is quite clearly the latter.

I think some of the fault may lie with me for thinking that reasonable customer service can be expected from Air Deccan. As the old adage goes, 'if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys'.

Since I have been stubbornly and rudely told that I cannot expect to receive any compensation, you have left me with only way to record by disgust.

I have decided not fly on Air Deccan any more.*

Yours,

Vikram Vasu

* Due to operational reasons

Photographic Palindrome

2006-07-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

At one level, this a special case of a palindrome.

Leadership crisis in Saudi Arabia

2006-07-04T02:34:00.000-07:00

The shortage of talented people within the royal family in Saudi Arabia has led to a leadership crisis - no great sheikhs.

Valuation

2006-07-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

= 1000 words

As the old saying goes, a pitcher is worth a thousand words......

Water Advice

2006-06-16T01:35:00.000-07:00

A man had built a new house. The house was perfect except for one aspect - the water supply had not been activated. After waiting for a week, there is still no sign of water. He calls his builder and asks him what the best course of action is. The builder scratches his head, thinks for a moment, and says, 'get well soon'.

Worse newspaper headlines

2006-04-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

I previously posted what I believed to be a bad newpaper headline. But, you know what - you ain't seen nothing yet. Take a look at this. Isn't this a redundant noun ?

Man. United 2 - 0 Arsenal

2006-04-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

What a win ! Arsenal looked jaded, but that's no fault of ours. Rooney was fast, powerful and effective - as he has been for most of the season. Can anyone remember when the last time Arsenal beat United in the Premier League ??!!!We probably still won't catch Chelsea, but this kind of football will make sure next season is a lot better than this year's.

Bad newspaper headlines

2006-03-29T01:39:00.000-08:00

The Congress party has been going through a lot of problems in the recent past. But, this headline must rank as one the funniest ever published in the highly conservative Hindu newspaper. Read on.

On Colds

2006-03-25T04:13:00.000-08:00

I have a bad cold, but I'm trying to be phlegmatic about it.

On walking

2006-03-25T00:56:00.000-08:00

I used to like walking, but now I find it too pedestrian.

Zebra Crossing

2006-03-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

United 1-0 Liverpool

2006-01-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

It was a great weekend of football. Manchester United beat Liverpool 1-0 in a not so thrilling game. But then, as Vince Lobardi is quoted as saying, 'winning is not everything - it's the only thing.'. Three points in the bag. Arsenal lose to Everton and Chelsea draw with Charlton ...it really can't get much better for a United fan (which if you haven't figured out till now, I am). Rio Ferdinand had a fantastic game - clearing off the line and then scoring a solid header in the 90th minute to win the game. I know Rio has got a lot of stick in the recent past, but this was an excellent display from him. Blame it on Rio !

Chennai and Liverpool

2006-01-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

What's the difference between Chennai and Liverpool ?

In Chennai, there is Pongal cinema and in Liverpool there is Sinama Pongolle (say it aloud).

Okay, I know that 98.72% of you would not have got that joke - good for you. If you ever figure it out, you will be glad that you did not understand it in the first place.

If you did get the joke and actually found it funny, keep watching this space !

Inspired by the late great Tommy Cooper.

And the winner is........

2005-10-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

Team Irevna posted a strong performance over the weekend to claim first prize in - not a sports event or a corporate quiz - but a beer drinking competition, sponsored by Kingfisher. The event started on Friday, as we settled down for our usual Friday night post-work drinking session at our regular watering-hole - High Time at GRT Grand Days . When we ordered our first beer, we were approached by some chaps from Kingsfisher informing us about some current promos going on. The deal was - if you completed a jigsaw puzzle in two minutes, you get another pitcher of beer free. And sure enough, we managed to solve the puzzle (not completely, but it was good enough for the Kingfisher chaps) and so it was a pitcher of beer on the house. The Irevna team on Friday consisted of Anish Mathew, Saravanakumar (non-drinking participant), Laxmideepak, Vishnu Balchand, Sunderraman and yours truly.

The above picture sums up our 'can-do' attitude

We are also informed that another part of the promotion was a contest for the maximum draught beer consumed (till the end of Saturday). You get 3 points for a pitcher and 1 point for a mug of draught beer. At the end of the contest, the team with most number of points receives Rs. 5,000 (second place gets Rs. 2,500).

We don't normally need much encouragement to consume vast quantities of beer, but this just spurred us on even further. A couple of hours later, we ended the day on 19 points, trailing the leaders by 1 point.

On Saturday, we knew we didn't have to do much better, especially if the group that was leading on Friday did not show up. We reached the bar at 6 pm after ensuring that there will be atleast 3-4 people to do the glassful. Finally, Team Irevna on Saturday consisted of Anish, Saravanakumar, Santhankrishnan, K. Ramesh and me. Once we got started, we tried calling for further reinforcements, even thought there was no sign of our closest competitors. However, most people we called had better things to do on a Saturday evening. I tried arguing with them to see the lager picture (that's not a typo), but no amount of beer pressure worked. Anyway, none of that was necessary in the end, as we won by the comfortable margin of 37-20 (the chaps from Friday did not even show up). To put this in perspective, that means 12 pitchers and 1 mug (approx. 19.6 litres of beer), over 2 evenings, shared by about 8 people !

We were pretty confident all along, as was one of our regular waiters, who let us know half way through that he had taken a bet that we would win. We walked off with Rs. 5,000 of beer vouchers that could be used on KF draught over the next two months. While cash might have been better, this is nearly as liquid as cash for us (pun intended). Cheers !

Vikipedia is now the Lager Pitcher

2005-10-10T00:39:00.000-07:00

Vikipedia is now called the Lager Pitcher. I received an email from someone who has a blog called 'VKpedia' who felt that the name 'vikipedia' was too similar to his blog's title. To quote him:

'I discovered today that your blog has a similar title too. I'm afraid this might, in the future, lead to problems resulting out of name confusions, which might not be to our liking. '

I found the request quite bizarre, given that the blog title in question is, in itself, a play on another name. However, I decided to accept the request, as I did not want to make a fuss.

Pot, kettle, black anyone ?????

Dude, Where's my car ?

2005-10-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

No, this post is not a review of the 2000 American comedy movie starring Ashton Kutcher (for those who haven't heard of it, click here) . This is about my experience trying to buy a Maruti Suzuki Swift from a dealer in Chennai. I booked it on June 8th, 2005 and there have been problems ever since (my recent letter below explains this in more detail). I had initally chosen the 'silky silver' colour (nothing silky about it), but then changed my mind to the red (not because I'm a tifosi). I thought making this change should be relatively straightforward, given that the delivery period was more than 8 weeks. However, I was informed by my dealer, as well as local Maruti executives, that there is no way this is possible. As a shot in the dark, I decided to shoot off an email to the CEO describing the situation. I googled for his email address, but did not find it on the net. Instead, I found other Maruti email addresses and used the structure (firstname.lastname@maruti.co.in) to get the CEO's email address. To be honest, I did not expect any response whatsoever, but was pleasantly surprised when I got a reply the next morning from someone at Maruti, asking for the details. In two days the whole issue was sorted out and the colour was changed. Google is making an impact on people's lives !

This is the full text of my letter to Jagdish Khattar, CEO of Maruti Udyog Limited:

Dear Mr. Khattar,
It is with extreme disappointment and distress that I write to you once again, but this time I have been left with no choice. I booked a Maruti Swift VXi on June 8th 2005. The booking was made through CARS India, Chennai. At the time of booking, I was told that that approximate wait time was 8 weeks and this is mentioned on the order booking form (duly signed by the dealer). My Allotment No. is 1403-0019025.

After the initial estimated date had passed (August 8 2005, 8 weeks), I called the dealer and was duly informed that there are more delays due to 'production issues at Maruti'. I was then told that car would be delivered in September. Later this was modified to either the last week of September or first fortnight of October. I have now been told (only after I called) that I will not be receiving it in the first two weeks of October. Further, no committment has been made on when I will receive it. It is ironic that a car with a waiting period of over 16 weeks is called Swift !

What makes the delay all the more disappointing is the level of service (or the lack thereof), during this period. At no point, not even once, has anyone from the dealer to Maruti called me to inform me of the delay or explain plausible reasons for the delay. Every single time, I have had to call and find out about the delivery update (if any).

Someone known to me booked the SAME car (Swift), SAME model (VXi), from the SAME dealer (CARS India, Chennai), at the SAME date (June 8, 2005) and SAME time (7:00 pm). His Allotment No. was 19024, while mine is 19025. Only the colour is different. He received delivery of the car last Friday (September 30, 2005). While I agree that is reasonable to have some variation depending on the colour, the extent of this variance cannot be significant. Even at this point, neither the dealer nor the Maruti is able to tell me a date by which I can expect the car. Not receiving the car is bad enough, but it is completely ridiculous if I can't be told when I will receive the car, after four months of waiting. When I contacted the dealer, I was told that they have no information from Maruti about this. The dealer has forced me to speak directly to Maruti, and hence this email.

Another important fact is that the dealer has received nearly the full payment from my side (excluding registration fees). I am currently paying interest on the loan, which I took based on the estimated 8-week waiting period given by the dealer at the time of booking. I have been told that I will be compensated for the interest payments, but I am not clear about the rate of interest I will receive. The minimum I expect is the rate Maruti Finance charges for its auto loans. I also believe the compensation I receive should go beyond the interest I have paid so far, as this does not compensate for the completely apathetic service I have received.

After 16 weeks of waiting, with no sign of the car or even a firm date by which I will receive it - is this the treatment one expects from 'India's leading car manufacturer' ? This can hardly be described as 'just-in-time' supply chain management, which other Japanese car manufacturers are known for.

Your website claims that your vision is 'creating customer delight' - I can assure you that this customer is far from delighted.

I realise that my situtation may not be unique, but I find this level of service completely unacceptable. The least I expect is to be regulary informed and compensated adequately for the delay. Delivery delays are compensated regularly with most reputed automobile manufacturers in the country and I would expect the same from Maruti. Please let me know if Maruti Udyog Limited finds this request unreasonable.

I appreciate the time you have taken to read this.

Thanking you,

Yours sincerely,

Vikram Vasu

Who is Vikram Vasu ?

2005-10-01T02:13:00.000-07:00

After months of delay, caused by a rather unique problem of not knowing where to start, my blog is up and running. For those of you for whom the name sounds familiar, it may be because of one or more of the following - Irevna , University of Strathclyde (Glasgow, Scotland) , RKM Vivekananda College or The School KFI. That very briefly sums up my education and experience thus far.

Trivia for the day - what word connects John Barger and Peter Merhloz ?

(Hint: starts with 'b' and rhymes with log).

These guys are credited with coining the term blog. John Barger is considered to have been the first to use the term 'weblog', while Pete Mehrloz is believed to be the first guy to use the word 'blog' - apparently he split weblog into 'we blog' , thereby also adding the verb usage to the word.